Sanuki no Suke’s Diary: Memories of the Imperial Palace (3)

 

     When dawn breaks, the ladies-in-waiting quickly rise, wanting to see some unusual places, but I know that if I went out with them, I would only be reminded of the past, so I just sit there idly. Then the new Emperor comes and says,

"Come, come. I don't know the way to Kurodo, so please show me," he says, and takes my hand and makes me stand.

     When I go towards Kurodo, I see that both Seiryoden and Jinjuden are just as they were in the past. Looking at the kitchen and the shoji screens around Kunming Pond now, I feel as if I were meeting old acquaintances. The Empress used to be in Kokiden, but now it is the Chancellor's night duty quarters. In front of the small half-shutter of the Kurodo gate, the shrubbery planted by the late Emperor has grown vigorously and freely, and I recall the poem written by Miharu Arisuke:

The clump of pampas grass planted by the late lord

Has grown so thick

That it has become a field

Where insects chirp incessantly.

     Among the various colorful flowers blooming along the stream of the ditch, the deep-colored bush clover is particularly beautiful, its blossoms profusely, the morning dew piercing like jewels, and its swaying in the evening breeze creating a truly special feeling. Seeing this, I imagine how much the late Emperor would admire it and I think:

Seeing the flowers blooming as beautifully

As ever near the bush clover gate,

My sleeves are drenched with tears

As I remember my departed one.

     Since there is no one who shares the same feelings as me, and it would be inappropriate for it to become known to the public so soon after the new Emperor’s moving into the palace. Whenever I look towards the Shokoden, I am reminded of someone. I sense that she must be thinking deeply about the past at home, and I offer her this poem:

Please understand. 

Whenever I hear about the flowers of the bush clover

That we once saw together,

My heart is filled with sadness and turmoil.

     She writes back, "Thinking about it, even when you are at the palace as before, you think so. How much more so my feelings, when I am at home, thinking deeply about the past without a doubt.  Please fully surmise my feelings.”

     How little she understands! It is precisely because I am here at court, in this very manner, that the memories of the past are brought back to me all the more painfully.