Sanuki no Suke’s Diary: Memories of the Imperial Palace (4)

 

     And so, September arrives. Following the celebratory meal for the Double Ninth Festival on the ninth day, the tenth day also passes.

     On a languid midday, as I glance toward the Kurabeya room, memories from long ago flood back—of how the late Emperor thoughtfully offered to teach me the sutras, saying, "I shall make a clean copy of the sutras I have learned and give it to you." To do this, he went out of his way to move from his usual place before the Buddha, walking through two rooms just to bring the transcript to my chambers. He even fretted, half-shyly, "If I bring these sutras out in public like this, people might laugh at me for favoring you." Remembering how he cherished me far beyond what I deserved, I am deeply moved.

     Suddenly, the young, new Emperor bursts in, breaking my reverie.

"Hold me," he commands, "and show me the paintings on the sliding doors." As he pulls me back to reality, my sorrowful memories seem to fade. But as I hold him and show him the paintings on the doors of the breakfast room, my heart catches. There, on the wall of the Night Palace, I spot the faint traces of flute sheet music that the late Emperor once pasted—a melody he tried to memorize by gazing at it morning and night. Overwhelmed with emotion, I cannot restrain my tears.

Gazing at the faded traces

Of the flute music

Pasted on the wall by his hand,

The past feels nothing but a dream.

     As I sorrowfully press my sleeve to my face to weep, the new Emperor looks up at me with an innocent, puzzled expression. Hoping to hide my grief from the child, I act casually and say, "I only yawned just now, and it brought tears to my eyes."

"I know the truth," he replies softly.

     His words are both endearing and astonishing. "What could you possibly know?" I ask.

     He smiles and answers, "You must have been remembering that name—the one that starts with the character 'Ho', followed by 'ri'."

     Realizing that, despite his tender age, he completely understands that I am mourning Emperor Horikawa, my heart swells with affection for him. My profound sadness momentarily vanishes, and a helpless smile breaks through my tears.

     In this gentle manner, the rest of September passes uneventfully.