Sanuki no Suke’s Diary: Days of Imperial Mourning (6)

 

     I went to the Imperial Palace at the end of the month.

     Even during the changing of clothes on April 1st, the lower-ranking court ladies, as usual, were frivolously making a fuss, stripping the curtains from the screens without a care in the world. Everyone was watching the spectacle, but I had no desire to look. I could only remember how the late Emperor had found such sights amusing.

     When the day of the Buddha's bathing arrived, the ladies-in-waiting all began to take out their offerings. As the ceremony began, the blinds in front of the midday chamber were lowered, and the ladies-in-waiting came out to the side to watch. The Regent and other court nobles were lined up on the railing of the wide veranda, their undergarments draped over them as per the customary procedure. The leading priest explained the purpose of the ceremony and poured water over the Buddha statue. The mountain-shaped decoration (Yamagata) and the five-colored water were just as they had always been. After the leading priest finished pouring the water, the Regent came and poured it, and then, in order, the other courtiers followed one after another. Nothing had changed.

     Minamoto Masatoshi and his brother, Kunizane, who were the uncles of the former Emperor, approached to pour the water, but they seemed to remember past days, looking utterly unable to bear it. Their expressions were visibly distinct from the others; they cut deeply forlorn figures. I, too, could not hold back my tears, and thinking, "I will never again look outside in the usual way," I pulled the curtain closer to hide myself.

     Suddenly, I saw the young Emperor wanting to look outside from above the curtain. He was too short, so I lifted him up in my arms to let him see; it was deeply moving. The late Emperor, being a grown man, would wear his formal court robe and stand majestically before the curtain, chanting prayers. As I thought about it, his image flashed before my eyes, and I was overcome by a sorrow no less profound than that of the Minamoto brothers. Feeling intensely self-conscious under the gaze of those around me, I withdrew from His Majesty's presence before the ceremony was even over.