Sanuki no Suke’s Diary (9)

 

     At that moment, a messenger came calling me,

"Please come back," so I went to the palace, and offered the Emperor a meal.  Fujiwara Ieko supported him from behind, saying to servants, "Bring the Emperor a meal."

     As I watched him sit up toward the small meal—Yes, just a very little meal—, I thought, "He really is in particularly great pain today."

     I could have noticed the Chancellor if he had entered in his usual way.

     Those days, everyone behaved quietly as the Emperor was in such a critical state.   As the Chancellor entered through the rear entrance, how could I even notice him?  I didn't pay any attention, and the Emperor said to me,

     "Excuse me, but the Chancellor is coming."

     I couldn't help but feel grateful for the Emperor's kindness as he informed me, groaning in pain.  Despite his dire illness, I was deeply touched by the thoughtfulness with which he had always informed me of his condition, and tears welled up in my eyes. The Emperor looked at me suspiciously, and without even eating a single meal, he lay down, so I lay down beside him again.

     Due to his condition, the Chancellor frequently visited the palace, day and night, which made me feel even more tense and awkward.  Ieko said,

"There is a time and a place to be reserved.  With the Emperor’s condition so serious, why should you feel sorry?"

     So I thought, "I can't help it," and continued to lie beside him.

     When the Chancellor approached the curtain, the Emperor raised his knees and hid me behind his back, so I listened while lying down with my head covered with a robe.

     "The fortune-teller said this and that.  This and that prayer have begun.  Also, since the 19th is an auspicious day, we will postpone the service for your Buddha image and other religious services till the day."

     When he said so, the Emperor murmured,

"I wonder if I will live until then."  I could not contain my sadness.