Sanuki no Suke’s Diary Volume 2 (1)

 

     October arrived in the meantime.

     I received and read a letter from Fujiwara Mitsuko (1060–1121), the nurse of the New Emperor.

     "Perhaps because he has heard so much of your exceptional service and admirable character during your many years with the late Emperor," she wrote, "Ex-Emperor Shirakawa (1053–1129) has issued a royal command. He insists that the new Emperor’s palace requires someone of your caliber and that you should present yourself immediately. Pray, take this to heart."

     I was stunned as I read these words, so utterly blindsided that I thought I must have misread the letter.

     I had heard rumors of such a request while the late Emperor was still alive. However, since he had remained resolutely silent and never granted his permission, I believed it was because he wished to keep me by his side. To show up now, as if I had merely been waiting for his passing to accept the offer, felt like an outrageous betrayal.

     I was reminded of Taira Chushi (1037–1109). When Emperor Go-Reizei (1025–1068) passed away, she was commanded by Emperor Go-Sanjo (1034–1073) to return to the palace on the seventh day of the seventh month—the night of Tanabata. She composed this tanka in her grief:

Though I hear the Milky Way flows just the same

As it does every seventh night of July,

It is still sorrowful to know

That I will cross it once again.

Her feelings, I realized, were exactly my own.