Sanuki no Suke’s Diary (24)

 

Fujiwara Kenshi, though frail and wasted by illness, had wept incessantly and without pause since the moment she had been carried in and cast down. While her grief was understandable, her lack of composure seemed almost excessive. Looking toward her son, Takashina Tameie, I urged him:

"Take her away from his side."

But she appeared so broken that Tameie could only plead, "She has lost her mind. Please, have mercy on her."

"Words are useless now," I replied. "Please, return to your chambers," and I moved to separate her from the Emperor.

But she cried out, "How can you say such things? The bitterness of knowing I shall never look upon his beautiful face again is beyond words!" She wept with a resentment directed entirely at me, and I felt it was only natural she should feel so.

When I touched the Emperor’s arm, it was cold, yet the flesh remained as supple as if he were still alive. Clinging to hope, they tried to revive him, praying, "If only for a moment, please return to us and speak." During this time, I did not press Kenshi to leave; together, we held onto his arm.

Before we knew it, however, his limb grew utterly rigid. Realizing it was now in vain, I said:

"You must step back now. There is no longer any reason to remain. It was one thing to stay while we hoped for a final word, but now..."

I attempted to pull her away, but Kenshi clung fiercely to the corpse. Tameie seemed unable to restrain her, so I told him, "If you cannot carry her yourself, call for the servants from her quarters."

At this, Kenshi—who until then had seemed entirely lost to reason—suddenly snapped, "Why would I allow a servant to approach His Majesty's presence?" and dissolved into fresh tears. Considering she had been brought there like a mere burden on the back of an attendant, it was clear she had completely lost her senses to say such a thing.

Finally, I summoned my own attendant. Abandoning all ceremony and disregard for her state, we had her hoisted onto someone’s back and carried her away.